Stoic quotes about anger
Seneca wrote a whole three-book work on anger because it wrecked lives in his world as it does in ours. His main advice is simple and hard: wait. Then ask what story you are telling yourself about what just happened.
Pick a voice with the Gentle / Tough love buttons at the top. Both versions are on this page.
Quotes
The greatest remedy for anger is delay: beg anger to grant you this at the first, not in order that it may pardon the offence, but that it may form a right judgment about it.
Seneca’s core anger advice. Wait. Ask anger to pause, so you can judge the offence more fairly once it has cooled.
Some of the wisest of men have in consequence of this called anger a short madness.
Anger as a brief madness. It is a reminder that choices made in the heat of anger are ones you would not make otherwise.
Seneca is reporting what others said. He goes on to argue against anger in detail.
The best way of avenging thyself is not to become like [the wrong-doer].
Revenge turns you into the thing you hated. Marcus’s idea of winning is to refuse to become like the person who wronged you.
Consider how much more pain is brought on us by the anger and vexation caused by such acts than by the acts themselves, at which we are angry and vexed.
The anger does more damage than whatever caused it. Notice what the reaction is costing you.
Remember that it is not he who reviles you or strikes you, who insults you, but it is your opinion about these things as being insulting. … For if you once gain time and delay, you will more easily master yourself.
An insult only lands if you accept the description. And delay helps: when you buy a little time, you have a better chance of mastering yourself.
Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial.
Marcus rehearses the day’s irritating people before breakfast, so rudeness is expected instead of a shock. His reason is generous: people behave badly out of confusion about what matters, not because they are out to get you.
In plain words
Gentle
Anger often sits on top of something softer: hurt, fear, tiredness, a sense of being disrespected. You are not a bad person for feeling it. The Stoic move is not to pretend it is not there but to give it a little time before you act, and to ask what is underneath. Then you can choose how to respond instead of just reacting.
Tough love
Anger feels like power. It is usually a leash someone else is holding. Every time you replay the scene you pay for it again. Wait ten minutes: no texting, no posting. Then ask what you actually want out of this, and do only that. You are allowed to be angry. You are not allowed to be reckless.
The pause plan
- Say nothing for ten minutes. Walk if you can.
- Write the message you want to send, then do not send it.
- Ask: what is the least I need from this person or situation? Reply short and calm, or do not reply.
Flash cards to repeat
Flip each card, then use “Repeat mode” to cycle through them, or “Read aloud” to hear them. Hearing or reading the same few lines again and again is the point.
- The greatest remedy for anger is delay: beg anger to grant you this at the first, not in order that it may pardon the offence, but that it may form a right judgment about it.Seneca, On Anger, Book II, ch. 29
Gentle: Give it ten minutes before you do anything.
Tough love: Not yet. Ten minutes, phone down.
- The best way of avenging thyself is not to become like [the wrong-doer].Marcus Aurelius, Meditations VI.6
Gentle: Do you want to be the version of you who acts like this?
Tough love: Revenge makes you them. Be better, quietly.
- Remember that it is not he who reviles you or strikes you, who insults you, but it is your opinion about these things as being insulting. … For if you once gain time and delay, you will more easily master yourself.Epictetus, Enchiridion XX
Gentle: What story am I telling about what they meant?
Tough love: The insult is your interpretation. Rewrite it.
- Consider how much more pain is brought on us by the anger and vexation caused by such acts than by the acts themselves, at which we are angry and vexed.Marcus Aurelius, Meditations XI.18
Gentle: Count what this anger is costing you: sleep, focus, calm.
Tough love: The anger is hurting you more than they did. Stop paying.
- What is under the anger?
Gentle: Hurt? Fear? Tired? Name it as exactly as you can. It helps.
Tough love: Name it. Then decide: act on it or drop it.
Sounds to sit with
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Books for this feeling
- Stoic primary text
Dialogues and Essays
Seneca (translated by John Davie)Includes Seneca's long essay On Anger, plus On the Shortness of Life, On Peace of Mind and his consolations to the grieving.
Find it on Bookshop.org - Modern introduction
The Obstacle Is the Way
Ryan HolidayA popular, story-driven take on turning setbacks into progress. Best read as a pep talk.
Find it on Bookshop.org - Stoic primary text
Letters from a Stoic
Seneca (translated by Robin Campbell)Seneca's letters to a younger friend on fear, grief, time and friendship. Short, warm, and surprisingly modern. A good first Stoic book.
Find it on Bookshop.org
Questions
Did the Stoics say you should never be angry?
Seneca argued strongly against acting on anger, repeated the view that it is a brief madness, and spent much of On Anger on ways to avoid it. Modern psychology tends to treat anger as a normal emotion to manage rather than suppress. The two views agree on one thing: do not act in the heat of it.
Is it okay to be angry about injustice?
Yes. Feeling anger at harm done to you or to others is human. The question the Stoics raise is what you do with it: act with a clear head and the aim of fixing things, or lash out.
Related feelings
This page offers philosophy and reflection, not therapy or medical advice. If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 (US) or call 911 in an emergency. More help. Quotes are from public-domain translations and are checked against the source. How we verify.